Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Gifts you should NOT get for werewolves this holiday season

It is not easy to buy gifts for paranormals - especially werewolves. While they are typically polite about accepting items they don't like, quietly returning them when you're not around, some gifts that can upset them greatly, and should be avoided at all costs. Hopefully, this list will help.

Do NOT give your werewolf friends and family the following gifts:

1. Any chia pet in the shape of a canine. Deeply offensive to the werewolf psyche.

2. A Friendship bracelet that you worked really hard on, that the werewolf must never take off, and you'll be really mad if they lose it. Because they will!

    

3. The complete 5-volume Dog Whisperer DVD set featuring Cesar Millan. A werewolf will instantly rip it apart.

4. Nature's Gift Aromatherapy patchouli-scented bliss candles.

5. Actually, any heavily scented products are poor gift choices for werewolves.

6. Ten-hour video set of the historic Apollo 11 Lunar Landing. This type of close-up non-stop full moon footage can be overstimulating to werewolves, and lead to destruction of furnishings and upholstery and also set off howling that can result in noise complaints from the neighbors.

7. Road Runner vs. Wiley Coyote cartoon DVD set. (Not even as a joke, unless you hated your TV set anyway.)

8. Joy of yodelling CD. (Gets werewolves riled up, not in a good way.)

9. A surprise pre-paid trip to the dentist to get all cavities filled with silver fillings.

10. The clapper, or worse, if you helpfully change all their lights over to operation by the clapper. This is not something that the werewolf in your life will find at all helpful .

11. Rogaine.

12. The Slanket. While this gift may be exciting and attractive to your comfort-loving werewolf friend, it is actually very restrictive, and when it comes to shifting form unexpectedly, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.


13
. The Miau Kitty Christmas Carol album: definitely NOT a recommended buy for werewolves this holiday season.


Do not under ANY circumstances purchase this music CD for a werewolf.

Later this week: What not to get a vampire for Christmas.
Links:

20 comments:

Kati said...

LMAO! CJ, you are cracked, girl!

Awesome, awesome list!

Chris said...

Damn. At least there's enough time for me to exchange the Slanket. Thanks for saving Christmas! ;)

And thanks for the contest mention. :)

Has said...

That is fantastic!!! :D LOL So going to forward this fellow werewolf fans!

Teresa D'Amario said...

OMG, I love this!!!!

Blodeuedd said...

Awwww my poor heart is breaking here, I want those cats and that song. And now it lead me to more cat xmas songs, hilarious! Love the whole post.

Thanks CJ! You're too nice :D

Patti said...

Great post - too funny!

Carolyn Crane said...

LOL - Thanks guys! I keep playing that cat xmas video. It's totally addictive!

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

Hee. You taunt me over the snuggie that I still don't have.

Leslie said...

So don't do your werewolf shopping at Walgreens?

And where did you get that picture of Seth Green? It looks like something only someone close to him would have access to. LOL

Larissa said...

LMAO Loved this post... Hilarious =)))

Can't wait for the Vamp one hehe

Tia Nevitt said...

Thanks for some laugh-out-loud humor!!!

Indigo said...

Hilarious. Some of these things are just all around bad gift ideas. Just shows werewolves have excellent taste. (Hugs)Indigo

Michelle said...

love, love, love!! Can't wait for the vamp list.

orannia said...

ROFLOL! Brilliant CJ! Although, I must confess to loving Cesar Millan :)

Lea said...

LOL;

I'll definitely keep this list handy when shopping for my were...

LOL

Kwana said...

Thanks for the laugh. You cracked me up. I'm gonna sunggle up in my Snuggie right now. No weres around.

Katie Reus said...

OMG!! Effing hilarious!

Tumperkin said...

I bought all my werewolf friends the new Black Eyed Peas album. I know! Safe Choice, right? I'm so predictable!

Heloise said...

Awesome. Was getting a slanket but I think I'll give it one more full moon, just to be sure my were just hasn't emerged yet.

Wolfie! said...

Feels somewhat offended