Little CJ: "That's right, suckers, I'm in USA TODAY"

Look! It's a special message from Little CJ, my childhood portrait of me at age 5, painted by an elderly aunt. Um...yay!!
~ Carolyn Crane 

Little CJ

Hello, people! Today I became famous in a national newspaper. I knew one day I would be famous, and that the name of Little CJ would be on everybody's lips.  Though I had to endure a lot for it.

I had to write many posts on this tedious blog. And also, Mr. Crane's wrongful accusations that my eyes follow him around the room, which prevented me from taking my rightful place in the Crane household living room or the bedroom. I mean, not even the bedroom? And thank you Carolyn for your tepid defense. Quite a consolation prize, hanging in your chaotic office. THANKS.

And for all the many years I hung in Carolyn Crane's office, I had to endure all her moaning and complaining, and her narcissistically checking Amazon ratings all the time, and her crowing too, for when her books climb up the Amazon charts to break 100,000.

Now I've been pictured in USA TODAY HEA blog. I have arrived. You can skip all the stuff in the interview where Carolyn talks about herself and her inane books. The point is, I, Little CJ, am now nationally famous.

I am currently open to offers of:

1. A reality TV series
2. To hang in the living room of somebody better than Carolyn Crane. (cough ParisHilton callme cough). 
3. Offers for a tell-all book about Carolyn Crane where you will learn what of her slovenly ways bug me most, what authors she is jealous of, top five habits of pathetic writers as exemplified by Carolyn Crane, and if she really watches cartoon porn. 
4. Product endorsements. 

Thank you. Oh, the article is here.