Monday, June 16, 2014

24 reasons why you should NOT subscribe to Carolyn Crane's newsletter!

Just in case you were wondering, here are the top reasons not to subscribe to my newsletter!
  1. Carolyn Crane sometimes includes a cat picture in her newsletters and her cats aren’t as cute as she thinks they are. Frankly, it’s embarrassing!
  2. I do not like hot secret agents and I do not care to know when such “books” are released.
  3. Carolyn Crane shouldn’t be encouraged in the “things she does.”
  4. Carolyn Crane only sends a newsletter when she has a release. What is UP with THAT? 
    not cute
  5. I love Carolyn Crane’s writing too much, too unwholesomely, and I am trying to take a break just for my sanity because my mind cannot comprehend the hugeness of such a love!
  6. Carolyn Crane sucks!!
  7. Bears.
  8. Carolyn was nominated for a RITA award for her second Associates romantic suspense book, Off the Edge, and we all know how you get nominated for a RITA: sexual devilry.
  9. Carolyn Crane’s secret agents talk dirty. It's as if she thinks it's hot when a man narrates every single obscene thing he is thinking and doing. Well, it's not hot, mister; it's uncouth! 
  10. You can tell from reading Carolyn Crane’s Associates series that she is really into brainy tough guys with glasses, and it’s a little embarrassing, like, how into them she is. It’s almost as if she has no life!
  11. I never even heard of Carolyn Crane, I’m just reading this list for the WTF factor.
  12. I have a special and truly beautiful psychic connection with Carolyn Crane that she doesn’t yet acknowledge or even comprehend, and a newsletter would just be insulting to the utter purity of that connection.
  13. Sadly, Carolyn Crane reached her artistic high point in Mind Games, particularly when she described a man’s cock as cucumbery. It’s all been downhill from there. A tragedy!!
  14. I already signed up for Carolyn Jewel’s newsletter. So, as you can imagine, I've pretty much had my fill of Carolyns.
  15. I do not care to be alerted when Associates #3, INTO THE SHADOWS, Thorne's story, comes out in July at a special limited-time sale price.  
  16. Carolyn Crane is a totally manipulative person, like with this list, which is obviously a ploy to remind people she has a newsletter. Sad!! 
  17. I don’t like exciting books with hot men and lots of sex.
  18. I tried to sign up for her newsletter, but there is a puppy pictured at the top of the form. It's as if she knows nothing about branding whatsoever!
  19. Carolyn sometimes has freebies and swag and opportunities for ARCs and stuff like that. No thanks! I have a three-dimensional printer that satisfies ALL my needs, if you know what I mean.
  20. Have to wash my hair.
  21. I was going to sign up for her newsletter until I saw this list. There are some very compelling arguments here!!
  22. My inbox cannot handle so much amazingness!
  23. I can’t just “sign up” for Carolyn Crane’s newsletter like it’s nothing. The time needs to be right at which point I will light candles, put on some music, pour a glass of wine, and sign up like it means something…over and over and over again. 
  24. I am a cave man. 


Jen Twimom said...

I tried to sign up for the newsletter, only to be denied... BECAUSE I'M ALREADY ON THE LIST! That shows me how often that Carolyn Crane woman sends out those newsletters! Geeze! :-)

Carolyn Crane said...

Hah, thanks, jen! That is funny. Also, I couldn't think of a 25th reason and that could've been one!

Tez Miller said...

I like your kittehs - especially when they hug each other :-)

Carolyn Crane said...

Thank you, Tez!!!

Northwoman said...

Oh #12 for sure! LMAO.

azteclady said...

Well, I'll be! I didn't know you have a newsletter *signs up* There.