Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Windflower Memos

Book: The Windflower
Author: Laura London (a.k.a. Tom and Sharon Curtis)
In this 1984 classic, young, naive Merry Wilding is kidnapped in error by handsome semi-rogue-ish pirates.

Memo to Merry
RE: beating on a man's chest

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because I know you are very naive about the ways of pirates, but please stop beating on Devon's chest with your little fists. You've done it several times now, and where has it gotten you?

That's right. Nowhere. I know that Devon told you he'd teach you the best place to kick a man and hasn't yet come through with the information. Maybe you are waiting for that, but in the meantime, you could explore other options. I am sure that Ana over at Book Smugglers would be more than happy to give you a few ideas on what to do to Devon. The boy pirate clothes, however, are definitely working for you.

Memo to Rand Morgan
RE: your "campaign"

You hav
e such a fearsome worldwide reputation as a bloodthirsty bandit, a murderous barbarian, the stuff of nightmares! Recently, however, it has come to my attention that your ship is in fact an idyllic place where men play and sing all day and are loving to women and animals, a haven where boys can be like Peter Pans and escape the evils of slavery and whalers, where things are even voted on. Furthermore, I understand from Ana's review that in fact there are not one but two peers of the realm aboard, (I haven't gotten to that part, but I suspect you may even be one of them. At any rate, you are quite an upstanding fellow.)

Of course I know why you did it - chicks dig pirates! Don't worry, your secret is safe with me, but I'm curious: who is your PR agency? I totally want to hire them to pimp my novel when it comes out.

Memo to Devon
RE: last night
Oh, Devon, Devon, Devon. Last night you really wanted to have sex with Merry, and she you, yet while she was covering you with trembling kisses, she emoted about how bewildered she was by her own desires and begged you to stop making her feel the way you make her feel. You got fed up and kicked her out.

I totally understand. You were tired of holding all the power. You wanted your heroine to have more backbone, to show more agency. Ana over at the Book Smugglers wants that too! Think about it for a second: you and Ana both want the same thing. This could be a love match!

Memo to Cat
RE: Save yourself!

r, dear beautiful sexually ambiguous Cat. Just to let you know, there is an island somewhere; I don't know its location or I swear I'd tell it to you. All I can do is give you this photo.

Cat, this island is full of girls who are fixated on you and your mysterious ways, and the number of fixated girls is only going to grow as this book gets passed around. One Samantha Kane has provisionally claimed you, but don't be lured by the dirty photos on her website; those are not people who live on the island; REPEAT: they do not live on the island, they are characters in the dirty books she writes and she will not be able to protect you from the inhabitants of the island.

For the love of all that is holy, Cat, protect your remaining shred of innocence and memorize the image I have supplied here. If you see this hut on this beach, you must beg Morgan to turn the ship the other way, and if he will not, you must jump into the waves and swim, swim, swim! Save yourself, Cat!


lisabea said...

I'm so digging that dude's sandals. OK now I'll go back and read. I was held captive by my desire for his wonking big toes.

lisabea said...

I heart you. Have I mentioned that today? No? Well tis true.

Carolyn Crane said...

His toes desire you! I got that from Wikipedia Commons. It is an old painting called "handsome pirate." I don't know about handsome. Maybe it should be handsome pirate toes.

Carolyn Crane said...

I heart you too!

lisabea said...

I'm noticing that his foot is about 1 and half times the size of his head.

Is that indicative of some other issue?

Carolyn Crane said...

Well, I can always count on you for a keen eye! I have examined the area in question and well, what do you think? You may be right. And he is a pirate, after all.

lisabea said...

As a certain favorite author likes to say: his swash is buckled.

uh or something like that

Carolyn Crane said...

His hands would be bigger than his face.

Carolyn Crane said...

I like his pistolero.

lisabea said...

I just like to say pistolero

That is a yummy word, Miss CJ!

Carolyn Crane said...

Oh, thank you my dear. It is one of my favorite Frank Black songs, and he likes to say it a lot too. Look how many comments now. I have such a popular blog. You can tell by the many comments.

Carolyn Crane said...

Will you start calling it that?

lisabea said...

A popular blog? Of course, my dear. Yours is a popular blog! Look at all these comments!

And you have a pirate with a big half dressed foot.

JenB said...

Wow. And to think I missed out on this book.

*deep regret*

Holy sh*t, that dude's got some big feet. If you tied him behind a boat, he could ski.

You are wonderfully popular, CJ. People only comment on my blog when there's dirty pictures.

Carolyn Crane said...

LB: I meant pistolero

JenB: Hi! Look at the waterskiing you missed.
LOL dirty pictures. The dirty pictures are part of your fabulous genius.

Shaymless Aymless said...

LOL... I loved your memos.

After reading all the comments, I had to go back and take another look. I dunno about the toes, but it looks like an empire waist on his pirate pants. Sure I have issue with boys wearing their pants below their butt, but this is way on the other side of that.

Ana said...



LOL. Love your post. So, where are you with the book now? are you starting to feel Teh Frustration?

One of the reasons I was so frustrated is because of how these supposedely fearsome pirates are all hanging around Merry all day. Just like you said. *g* puhleese.

Kati said...

Oh CJ - I do love you! Great post with lots of serious comments about the story in it. Good luck, I hope you find more to like about the book than Ana did, but I've decided to go to my happy place about people liking or disliking the book.

My happy place is in Rand Morgan's cabin, BTW.

I think Sam already has Cat on the island with her. Probably washing her hair for her and mixing fruity drinks, and teaching her how to kiss properly. Oh wait...have you gotten to that part yet??

Ladytink_534 said...


Christine said...

THIS is a perfect example of why I love you and your blog, Carolyn Jean!!

I'll spell it out for you: you're wonderfully observant, immensely creative, smart, witty, and I totally want to be you when I grow up.

Carolyn Crane said...

aymless: Yes, he has VHS (very high pants!)

Ana: Devon called. He wants your number. Should I give it to him?

MK: Happy place! I like Rand's cabin, too. Race ya! Actually, though, Rand really is a fabulous character.

LT: thanks!

Christine: Oh, you make a girl's day.

Ana said...

"Rand really is a fabulous character. "

Oh, noes. I will be aaaaall alone in the "nay" corner. I can feel it in my bones. LOL

and what Christine said? 100% agreed - those are the reasons why I love your blog too. Except she says with better words. *g*

and yes you can give my number to Devon. I have been praticing some karate and I can totally kick his sorry ass. humpft

Carolyn Crane said...

Ana! LOL. Okay, I'll pass along your number. Devon says he will comfort you in your lonely corner.

Ana said...

I wonder though - what makes Rand a fabulous character? I really don't see it....
or should we wait until you have finished for your final thoughts?

Yes, I am anxious. LOL

Christine said...

Ana, What?!? YOU think I used better words than you could? Ha ha. You know how to make a girls' day!!

mslizalou said...

Love the memos CJ! Dude could so ski on those big feet.

Sayuri said...

Ah man, I cannot wait for my turn readin gthis!

Tracy said...

you're wonderfully observant, immensely creative, smart, witty, and I totally want to be you when I grow up.

How can I compete with this? I can't I'z don't haz the wordz.

Fab post my friend!
That "handsome" pirate (and I use the term loosely) has gargantuan feet which I'm positive is indicative of other large, um, appendages - why else would they call him handsome? Someone had to have the inside scoop. And yes Aymless he does have to pull his pants down to blow his nose - but it's a fashion statement, I'm sure of it.

little alys said...

Hahaha, great memos. I'm sure when I get a hold of this book, I shall be clicking back to 'see.' Hehehe. Ah, do post more when you can. They make me all fuzzy happy and giggly due to their greatness. :D

hmmm, maybe I should try for more flowery suggestive words. ;)

KT Grant said...

Sexually ambiguous Cat? Maybe that is why his story was never written!

Brie said...

LMAO! Ah, I needed this laugh. :)

Anonymous said...

LMAO - now I really can't wait to read this!

Jill D. said...

Carolyn Jean, you are so funny! I can't wait to get my hands on this.

Christine said...

Now that I've read up to these parts.... OMG! This post is hilarious! I love it! LOLOL and a bottle of rum!