The Windflower Memos

Book: The Windflower

Author: Laura London (a.k.a. Tom and Sharon Curtis)

In this 1984 classic, young, naive Merry Wilding is kidnapped in error by handsome semi-rogue-ish pirates.

Memo to Merry
RE: beating on a man's chest
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because I know you are very naive about the ways of pirates, but please stop beating on Devon's chest with your little fists. You've done it several times now, and where has it gotten you?

That's right. Nowhere. I know that Devon told you he'd teach you the best place to kick a man and hasn't yet come through with the information. Maybe you are waiting for that, but in the meantime, you could explore other options. I am sure that Ana over at Book Smugglers would be more than happy to give you a few ideas on what to do to Devon. The boy pirate clothes, however, are definitely working for you.

Memo to Rand Morgan
RE: your "campaign"
You have such a fearsome worldwide reputation as a bloodthirsty bandit, a murderous barbarian, the stuff of nightmares! Recently, however, it has come to my attention that your ship is in fact an idyllic place where men play and sing all day and are loving to women and animals, a haven where boys can be like Peter Pans and escape the evils of slavery and whalers, where things are even voted on. Furthermore, I understand from Ana's review that in fact there are not one but two peers of the realm aboard, (I haven't gotten to that part, but I suspect you may even be one of them. At any rate, you are quite an upstanding fellow.)

Of course I know why you did it - chicks dig pirates! Don't worry, your secret is safe with me, but I'm curious: who is your PR agency? I totally want to hire them to pimp my novel when it comes out.

Memo to Devon
RE: last nightOh, Devon, Devon, Devon. Last night you really wanted to have sex with Merry, and she you, yet while she was covering you with trembling kisses, she emoted about how bewildered she was by her own desires and begged you to stop making her feel the way you make her feel. You got fed up and kicked her out.

I totally understand. You were tired of holding all the power. You wanted your heroine to have more backbone, to show more agency. Ana over at the Book Smugglers wants that too! Think about it for a second: you and Ana both want the same thing. This could be a love match!

Memo to Cat
RE: Save yourself!
Dear, dear beautiful sexually ambiguous Cat. Just to let you know, there is an island somewhere; I don't know its location or I swear I'd tell it to you. All I can do is give you this photo.

Cat, this island is full of girls who are fixated on you and your mysterious ways, and the number of fixated girls is only going to grow as this book gets passed around. One Samantha Kane has provisionally claimed you, but don't be lured by the dirty photos on her website; those are not people who live on the island; REPEAT: they do not live on the island, they are characters in the dirty books she writes and she will not be able to protect you from the inhabitants of the island.

For the love of all that is holy, Cat, protect your remaining shred of innocence and memorize the image I have supplied here. If you see this hut on this beach, you must beg Morgan to turn the ship the other way, and if he will not, you must jump into the waves and swim, swim, swim! Save yourself, Cat!