Friday, September 10, 2010

Why aren't men like Jamie Fraser?

The other day when I was looking at my search stats, I noticed somebody had arrived at this blog by typing in the query: "Why aren't men  like Jamie Fraser?" 

That is a really good question, and one that, unfortunately, I don't think this blog answered. Until now.

Dear Google Searcher: Why can't men be more like Jamie Fraser? Yeah, I'm with you sister. I, too, have read Outlander and wondered that. In fact, I think most women who have read Outlander wonder this at some point. It's time for answers! I hope that this list helps.  

Reason #1 Men can't be more like Jamie Fraser: 
Prime time medical dramas
Toward the beginning of Outlander, Claire uses rudimentary medical skills to set Jamie's dislocated shoulder and disinfect his wound, saving his life. Even though he thinks she is an English spy, he is totally grateful and impressed, and thus begins his fierce, passionate loyalty toward her.  

Now, even though I am not a nurse, I do know some things about medical treatments, and I have seen enough movies to know how to set a dislocated shoulder. I can also figure some other things out, and I'm sure I could impress my man in the exact same way . . . if only I got that chance. Do I ever get that chance? No. Thanks to the fact that there are so many doctor shows on TV, my man knows all about clinics and hospitals and modern medicine. When he is wounded, what does he want to do? Go to a doctor. Thanks a lot, House, you jerk!! 

Reason #2 Men can't be more like Jamie Fraser: 
Modern therapy
While belt whipping is one of the few Jamie traits I do not encourage in my man, I think we are probably in agreement, dear Google Searcher, that irrational jealousy, crazy protectiveness, boy-ish benightedness and the need to adhere to primitive clan mores and show dominance are definite signs of passion in a mate. Unfortunately, there is a subset of people who seem completely and entirely dedicated to destroying this, and I think you know who I'm talking about: Therapists. I don't imagine I have elaborate on this point.  

Reason #3 Men can't be more like Jamie Fraser: 
9-1-1 emergency services
When Claire is about to be burned at the stake - unfairly - for being a witch, what does Jamie Fraser do? He rescues her, of course. By himself. With a SWORD. It was a totally amazing moment. "Jamie drew the sword completely, with a flash of steel, then thrust it point-first into the ground, leaving the hilt quivering with the force of the blow. 'I draw it in defense of this woman, and the truth,' he said. 'If any here be against those two, they'll answer to me, and then God, in that order.'" 

Does my man ever come to rescue me with a sword when I'm in trouble? No. And it is not for lack of a sword, I guarantee you. Santa has brought my man numerous swords for Christmas. Unfortunately, my man seems to regard them more as a wall decorations than tools of battle and chivalry, no matter how many hints I drop. Why? Government emergency services, I believe, is at the root of this problem. 

Sadly, the message "Call 9-1-1 in case of emergency" has been emblazoned into my man's head since boyhood. That is who he calls whenever I am in trouble. The availability of 9-1-1 rescue services has thwarted his natural instinct to put his life in danger to rescue me in a manly way. 

Reason #4 Men can't be more like Jamie Fraser: 
Mens' magazines and HR departments and their stupid anti-kilt dress codes.  
Of course one of the key things that makes Jamie so lovable is the fact that he wears a kilt - in the traditional way...I think you know what I'm talking about here, Google Searcher.  

Kilts are totally hot, but does my man think so? No. You can buy him the manliest of manly kilts, all buckles and rough-hewn fabrics, and still he refuses to give up his precious underwear and pants. It doesn't help that he sees the men in our neighborhood wearing pants, too, so it makes him not want to wear a kilt, even around the house. This is reinforced by the fact that men on TV and in magazines also don't wear kilts. It is like a vicious cycle! And he won't even wear a kilt to work. It's not like the neighbors will be around to laugh at him then. But nooooo, apparently it's against the dress code AND the health code.  When you call the human resources department to complain, they are not understanding at all. 

Reason #5 Men can't be more like Jamie Fraser: 
Middle school sex education, dirty magazines and movies, lax morals
When Clair met Jamie, he was a virgin, and not only that, but hardly knew anything about sex. At one point, Jamie says to her, "While I dinna pretend to know all there is to know, I’ve lived a good bit of my life on a farm, and unless people are verra different from other animals, it isna going to take that long to do what we have to." and "I’ve seen horses and cows, of course, pigs, chickens, doves, dogs, cats, red deer, squirrels, rabbits, wild boar, oh, and once even a pair of snakes. Did ye know snakes have two cocks? Male snakes, I mean."

Oh, Jamie! You are so delightful. I loved how Claire got the chance to open his eyes  to the wonders of sex, and what an eager pupil he was, and how hot it was, too!

Just before our first intimate encounter, I naturally began to explain to my man that, even though he had likely spent a lot of time viewing animals performing sexual acts, that human sex is far different than sex between animals . . .  well, imagine my surprise when he acts all insulted! Not only that, but it turns out he'd done it before. I blame this on society, education, and all media. Needless to say, this ruined the moment. (As if things weren't already ruined enough by #4!!)

Oh well. I hope that answers your question, Google Searcher. But wait, there's more...

The Verra Good News...
Even though men now aren't like Jamie, we can still enjoy him in book form - more than ever now, since the Outlander is coming out in a graphic novel format in a week! I'm verra psyched!!  

What? Do you think by this post that I didn't like the Outlander? Wrong. I'm just being silly, because I loved the Outlander. It took over my mind when I read it, the way very few books do. And, I remember when I read it, I really would have loved some pictures. 

EDITED TO ADD: This post was from like 2010...and finally Outlander is a TV show!! Yay Starz!! 


Patti (@TheLoveJunkee) said...

hahaha - love this post! If you're checking your stats and see a crazy spike, it's because I keep coming back to re-read it :)

(This is actually the first graphic novel I'm looking forward to.)

A Library Girl said...

Lol, I sometimes look at my blog stats and feel like I should write posts answering some of the questions that brought people to my blog but that they probably didn't find the answers to there. Looks like you got to that first, though.

MrsMixx said...

This was hilarious!!! Lol I've often wondered why there weren't more men like Jamie Fraser too LOL

I didn't know about the graphic novel coming out. It could be interesting.

Carolyn Crane said...

Patti: Aw, thanks! Same with me on the graphic novel. I've never really much read them, but this one changes that.

Library Girl: I'm sure you have plenty of fun ones to answer over there, too. it's amazing what people search for!

Patte: LOL. Thanks! Hopefully this answers this burning question for us all!

KMont said...

Although I dinna care for the Outlander, this was verra funny!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely brilliant...laughed and laughed. I, too, wish men were more like Jamie Fraser, but know in my heart it's a lost cause. So excited about graphic novel!

Smash Attack Ash said...

I just rec'd Outlander the other day, so I need to come back and read this once I've read the book. And yay for graphic novels!

Carolyn Crane said...

Kmont: lol. Dinna...ah it's all rushing back.

Jenn: Yes, prolly for the best! Thanks.

Smash: You are in for such a treat! OMG.

Blodeuedd said...

Hehe, that was one good question :=)
I have to read those books so I can answer it too

Kati said...

Regarding #5 - I think you should probably place blame on that slut who popped your man's cherry.

I'm just saying. Don't blame the media for everything....

As always, CJ, you have me howling.

Also, my spam word is "HamPlasm" even your spam words are warped! ;oP

Joanna Chambers said...

lol! How do you even get that stat info? Don't tell me! I will never do whatever is you need to do to get it so it will be a waste of your time.

I loved this book too (look at me, I can't ever bear to call it by its American name...) but I've never picked up any of the rest of the series. They're just sooooooo loooooooong!

Chris said...

Erm, well, I do have a copy of the book on my shelf. In fact, you might've been there at Uncle Hugo's when I bought it. Looks nice on the shelf, it does.

Danielle said...

I just love your blog. I'm always entertained when I drop by. :D

KT Grant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KT Grant said...

Oh, and the latest google phrase that brought someone to my blog is Demon Erotica Virgin. ;)

KT Grant said...

I'm going to lick Exile when I get it and go right to the sexy parts.

kylie said...

LOL - absolutely loved your post! I'm not a Jamie fan but I am a Carolyn fan. Is that enough arse-smooching?!

Carolyn Crane said...

Bldd: LOL. You must!

Kati: Yeah baby! I'm in the mood for a hamplasm!

Tumperkin: What is the UK name? Auslander?

Chris: MM loser! I can't believe you haven't read it yet!

Dani: Hey, thanks so much! xxoo

KB: Yes, that sounds about right. Up mhofo's alley...

Kylie: YOu make a girl's day!! Thanks!!

Liz said...

Much to my surprise I have discovered, as an American living in Edinburgh, that modern men do still wear kilts. Unfortunately, it is often those ones who we are least interested in seeing in them that are wearing them. Fortunately though, I have yet to discover whether they wear them "authentically" or not.

Danielle said...

Hello Elizabeth, fellow American and current Edinburgh resident. I'm considering getting my Masters in the UK. Just started snooping around though, and I'm considering an MA in Publishing in the London area, I'd be grateful for any advice I can get, please friend me on FB.

Danielle Barclay, Granville, OH.

Penelope said...

Carolyn, I nominate this for best post of the year. Your sense of humor is the best!

A Buckeye Girl Reads said...

That was great!! Jamie Fraser was my first book boyfriend, and this is probably the only graphic novel I'll ever read.

robsad79 said...

Loved this!!! I love Jamie.

Carolyn Crane said...

Elizabeth: LOL! Well, I hope you never find out!

Dani: Good luck! Sounds fun.

Penelope: Thanks, chica!!!!

Buckeye: You and me both.

Carolyn Crane said...

Robsad: He is endlessly lovable, isn't he? That is why I tease him.

GlamKitty said...

One more reason: Numbers. Population counts seem, erm, kinda sketchy in the 1700s, but estimates are there were about 750 million of us running around. Today? That number's fast approaching 7 billion. (o_O) I know, right? So, when you figure that most fellas weren't even cut from the same (tartan) cloth (har-de-har) as Jamie back in 1743, it makes total sense that none of us have latched onto his equal today. Kilt-wearin' or no, the odds... they are against us.

orannia said...


And I was thinking of re-reading Outlander, since I read it over 5 years ago...but maybe I should read Exile? Although...if there are more 'dinnas' maybe not. (I can't read accents very well - my brain self-combusts :)

Karen Henry said...

This is great, thanks for posting!

For more information about Diana Gabaldon's books, including the upcoming graphic novel, THE EXILE, which will be published Sept. 21, please visit my blog, Outlandish Observations. I hope you'll find it useful!


ibeeeg said...!!! I laughed all the way through. :D If only our men were more like Jamie Fraser....ahhh...sigh... but alas, they are not.

Thanks for posting the link to Dirty Sexy Book's book club. I am so going to be in on the discussion for The Exile. Cool.

Marg said...

Haha! Too funny.

I am a little bit of a disadvantage. My brother in law has Scottish heritage, red hair and is called Jamie. Unfortunately the package doesn't add up to hunkdom in the same way as it does for Jamie Fraser. It's just a little awkward to go around day dreaming about Jamie!

Re: Katiebabs going straight to the naughty bits, I hadn't even begun to think about how that is going to do down in the graphic novel!

KT Grant said...

Marg: On Diana's blog she showed an outtake of Jamie and Claire's wedding night because it was too graphic and my oh my!

Can't wait to see Jamie lose his virginity in wonderful color!

Marg said...

OH my indeed! Clare's fingers are a bit scary though.

Chris said...

If it wasn't for Carolyn Crane's awesome pull up skills, my cat would still be trapped in my media center!

Julie at Outlandish Dreaming said...

Great post!!!!! Can't wait for the exile! And that unexpurgated picture - yowza! But yeah, those fingers are pretty scary! The last thing Jamie needs are more scars on his back! ;)

Katie Reus said...

This post is pure awesome! Stupid HR Departments!! More men should wear kilts. I only wish I'd seen this blog post earlier ;)

Kaetrin said...

I'm with you Carolyn - I'm pretty happy with my man overall but Jamie Fraser?? *fans self* we definitely need more men like him!!

writtenwyrdd said...

OMG, this is hilarious! I was just catching up on my blog reading-- just skimming because there were so many!-- and had to read yours twice. Thanks for the morning laugh, Carolyn.

Tia Nevitt said...

This was hilarious! I blatantly stole your idea for tomorrow's post.

By the way, have you heard of the Utilikilts? My husband would actually like one, but they are verra expensive. Watch the videos!

Indian T.v Serials said...

Chris: I don't do a lot of YA but I do love this series!

Monroe: I don't know how you can wait between books - I read the first four back-to-back!

Book Guru: She is good at cliffhanger endings - can't wait for December!

Blodeuedd: You should definitely read this series - it's my fave YA series :)

Parajunkee: Oh - it was so worth it - I loved it!

Jane: I love Dimitri but want Adrien to have a HEA too. Glad I'm not the one making the choice, LOL!

Julie: I love them both and want them both to have a HEA. Ms. Mead is going to have to do something good there.

Mina: Hahaha - you're so right!

Danielle: Adrian grew on me too. At first I thought he was weird but now I luff him. Would love for him to be in the spin-off!

December is bringing Last Sacrifice, Alien Tango, and Shadowfever - all on the same day! How will I choose?!?